“But I know HOW to do this!?!”

Why life after relocation is frustrating

 “Honey, do you know where the remote is?”  I can hear my husband call from down the hall.  There is paper thrown everywhere.  Casualty of unpacking I suppose.  We are exhausted, and really all we want to do is sit and do something numbing.  “No”, I call back and I can hear paper ripping in response….and a few special words muttered.

 Where things are, is just the tip of the iceberg.

Relocation is surprisingly frustrating.  WHY?

Mainly because we all think we know how to do it.

 All of the tasks at hand are, at least individually, require processes we have successfully completed before.  We know how.  The problem is that we don’t have the details that fill in the who/what/when/where/why.

Where did the who/what/when/where/why go?   We left all of them were in the last city.

Think about all of the question & decisions that went in to creating your who/what/when/where/whys.  Who did you choose as a plumber?  Why did the kids enroll in that karate club? Where is the local Trader Joes?  IS there a Trader Joes?

A lot of what we are going to discuss here is directed at setting expectations.  Missed expectations are the most direct way to full blown, stop you in your tracks frustration.  If we start out with knowing what is coming, we have the ability to identify the issues and then side step the frustration and keep moving forward.

One of the books that helped me the most on this topic is “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.  It is an entertain read with scientific explanations from first to last page.  The Power of Habit talks about how, since caveman days, our brains are continuously looking to conserve energy through shortcuts and identifying patterns.

When we move, all of the known patterns are gone.  Logistics, Security, support, connections…everything needs to be rebuilt.  It is like having a set of blueprints and every piece of wood, nails and tiles still need to be picked out and put together.

So what is the action step here?

Identify, Craft and Implement.  There are 3 action steps and DO NOT skip the Crafting.

Identify & Discover: 

  • Mission critical processes
  • Needed results
  • Your time frame

Craft: 

  • Decide how & where you will locate information
  • List options, expectations and NO GOs
  • Predict effectiveness of options
  • Walk forward each option
  • Plan timelines and deadlines
  • Define successful outcome

Implement:

  • Contact necessary partners
  • Track progress
  • Track any changes to the plan
  • Record helpful partners and resources for future projects
  • Check it off you list (There is just something magical about checking IT off.)

You will get it all together. It is a matter of time and focus.

As a side note don’t forget to PLAN some fun.  It side steps the frustration.

Welcome to ReloMoms

 

ReloMoms is born out of a personal journey of relo, connect, relo, connect….and relo, and connect happened over and over again.

Relocation isolates, by its very nature.  And even those of us who have done this before, struggle as we once again “figure out” how to live in _______, again.  Alone.

The frustrations, adventures and lessons learned over the years led me to write, search, learn from other ReloMoms and share along the way.  This website is designed to reach as many ReloMoms as I can, to encourage, provide truths/plans and give hope that the sun will shine again.

When I was younger, I was regularly asked if my father and/or my husband was in the military.  Up until I was 40, I moved 13 times to and within 6 states, as well as enjoyed 2 years as an Expat in Europe.  Half of these moves occurred as a child and half as an adult.  It fit the model, but no.  Both my father’s and husband’s sales careers led and dictated the addresses, all but ONE TIME.

The experiences made me great at beginnings, a little sketchy at middles and long-term relationships outside of my family remained a mystery for most of my life.  It wasn’t until I was living in London that I realized the gap and thought I don’t really do well with real connections.

I began researching and writing about change, connections, friendships and the process of relocating from practical to physical and emotional.

Connecting is the tipping point of relocating successfully.  In order to smooth out the relo bumps and frustration, all types of connections from acquaintance to support must be established.

ReloMoms works with the practicals of things like moving trucks, realtors and how to get a drivers license while weaving in a reminder to learn, adapt while being you, and connect along the way.

Through this journey, I hope to smooth out some of your bumps and help you be present, and be part of this season of life.

A Questions and Answers page is starting soon.  If you have any burning questions or helps for your ReloMom friends, please email them to Questions@ReloMoms.com.